Romance, Career, Life Transitions


Romancing Yourself




Romance fills our thoughts, our dreams, the movies we watch and the songs we listen to. And why not? Wanting to love and be loved is fundamental to our nature. We all yearn to be understood and cherished.

And when we don't have that special someone in our lives, the ache can feel almost unbearable. Even when we do have that partner, that lover, that spouse, we still sometimes feel that hollow echo. Why? Too often we neglect the most important relationship of all: romancing the self.

Our culture's emphasis on constant activity, the aggressive presence of sight, sound and movement, makes it difficult to sit and read a good book without also turning on the radio. Staring out the window at the rain, listening to it drumming on the roof -- it's nice, but are you squirming in your chair? It's not from boredom or too much energy. You're not really spending time with the rain or the book anyway. You're spending time with yourself, and that's a scary thing in our culture.

But to have fulfilling relationships with other people, we first need to feel the joy of our own presence. Unresolved issues, feelings and energies in ourselves have a way of popping up in our relationships with other people. We attract partners that embody unresolved parts of ourselves, or we project those characteristics onto them. Either way, what we leave undone internally gets played out in our external relationships.

So romance yourself! Get to know, and appreciate, all of who your are!

Some ideas:

Take yourself on a date. What is your ideal date? What have you always wanted to be asked out to do? Here's a secret: You don't have to wait to be asked. Go ahead; splurge. You're spending an evening with the most special person you'll ever be blessed to meet: yourself.
Treat yourself out to that special restaurant, the one with the flower-filled outdoor patio. Read your favorite book by the table's candlelight, occasionally pausing to look up at the starry night sky.
Take yourself out to a double feature. Buy a big tub of popcorn. Laugh uproariously.
Listen to Mozart on a breezy summer afternoon. Let your eyes tear and your imagination wander.
Buy yourself flowers or that special gift your "ex" never got you. Just make sure that it's frivolous.
Spend a Sunday afternoon in the park. Watch the kids play Frisbee. Be sure to walk barefoot in the cool grass.
Keep a journal. Write down random thoughts, snippets of poetry, your dreams. Draw a portrait of the person who always sits across from you on the busride to work.
Spend an afternoon at the art museum. Melt into the paintings. Visit the natural history museum. Be a tyrannosaur. Hungrily devour the humans walking oh so quietly through the museum halls.
Treat yourself to a massage once a month, or once a week. Feel how good it is to be at home in your body.
Play with Legos and colored pencils -- they're good for the soul.
Sit quietly in your room early in the morning. Breathe roundly and listen to the sound of the dawn. Know your beauty in silence.


Do these things. Get to know yourself, your likes, your joys. Discover what reminds you of your inner radiance. You'll find treasures. Trust me. Every treasure you find within yourself is a gift you bring to every relationship.

Romance yourself and let life romance you in return.


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